last blog for thisclass!!

I can't believe this class is almost over? Where did the time go? I learned alot from this class. Different ways to write different papers. Professor Caliendo was very caring and willing to work with anyone who as having a problem, I mainly speak of myself as I had some pretty big challenges personally during this course. I am going away from this course feeling really good. Hopefully my paper will reflect that but who knows!!!!

End of the road

Wow I can't believe that this class is almost over. I have most of my paper done. I just need to put it all on paper. It is in rough draft form right now. I have learned alot about writing in this class and the professor has been amazingly patient with me and my illness.

The kids are home and we are getting ready for school to start at the end of the month. This year all 4 of my kids will be in school which is a good thing and a bad thing. I am happy yet sad!!! I'm not sure what in the world I am going to do with all my time by myself but I think it will be really good for me to have some "me" time.

Getting caught up

If some of you haven't noticed I have been behind for about 2 weeks now. I am slowly starting to get caught up and thanks to my wonderful professors that have worked with me I see a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you again for being patient with me. I was in the hospital for a week and that was not helpful!

My kids come home on Sunday and I can't wait!!!!! Its only been a week but feels like an eternaty. We will have my daughters birthday party since her birthday was on the 26th and she was with her dad. I am very excited about that.

Well thats all I have for now. Have a great day!

brink of insanity

I love my doctors but they are driving me crazy. One says to be on this medication, one says to be on that medication. Ugh!!!!! Just one of those bad days today!!! Would love to stay in bed and do nothing but that just isn't possible today. Have make-up homework to finish and this weeks discussion to finish. Not counting my other class!!! But it will get done.

On a "lighter" note....my baby girl turned 5 yesterday!!!!! My oldest will be 14 August 16....WOW were did the time go.

This week is going to be absolutely crazy for me however the kids are going to their dad's all week so that will help. I am so glad that I have Professor Caliendo. He is so far and understanding.

I am also very thankful for my friends and family who have been with me this last week and have helped me survive. I love you all!!!!

Okay, this is my blog for Unit 6! Has been a crazy week and I really can't go into it in th blog. The professor knows.

Anyway life is such a challenge and somedays I wonder if we are all doing the right thing. Everyone has such different lives and it is interesting to me how different each of our lives are. I have learned so much this week and hope that I can relay some of it in my paper!

Well kids are finally home!!! However my oldest got home last night and left for church camp this morning. :( ugh!!!! Trying to be in a good mood this morning but I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

On a different note..... Did the Relay for Life this weekend and it was sooo much fun. Didn't quite make it all night, slept for about 2 hours but not bad considering I need my sleep!!!!! What an amazing opportunity to be apart of something so moving. Seeing all the survivors and the luminaria's that they have out around the track for the survivors and the "in memory of" luminaria's! Everyone should at one point in their lives experience this awesome time!!!

My kids

My kids have been with their dad for almost 2 weeks now. I have found myself doing so many things to keep from being depressed that I have managed to give myself a migraine which took 2 days and alot of pain meds to get rid of, get behind on my housework (haven't cleaned my house for almost a week UGH), and get behind on my school work!! Which of course is the most important of all of these. Its week 5 already and I am no where near where I should be in my writing of my paper.

The kids were suppose to come home on Wednesday but my ex wants to take them camping this weekend and I am doing the Relay for Life walk on Saturday night to Sunday morning so it really works out but I am missing them very much.

Okay enough rambling time to go to bed!

4th of July celebration

In Harlowton, MT, which is where I live, the 4th of July is the biggest time in our little town. People come from all over whether for class reunions, to see relatives, or just to see what they have heard all about. We have a wonderful rodeo July 2, 3, 4and there are dances everywhere, okay we have 3 bars and they all have dances so not technically everywhere. There are parades on the 3rd and 4th, fireworks displayed by the city on the 4th of July. It is truly a wonderful time.

Walking in the rain!

I am finding my writing is like walking in the rain. Doesn't bother me at first but as I walk longer and get wetter I really start to get irritated and want to go home. My writing is like this. I find myself sitting down and reading but the longer I read the less interested I am and find myself moving on to another task.

I have begun to enjoy this blogging. I find myself wanting to write in here more and more. I kind of gets things off my chest even if they are really small things.

I am doing my paper on bipolar depression and as I suffer from this illness and watch myself go through the manic and depressed states I wonder what other people do to control these episodes. This really has helped me to start my freewriting and just writing as I think of these issues.

Need to focus!

I am having a very hard time focusing on this paper. I know what I want to write about which by the way has changed a bit. I am going to do my paper on the affects of bipolar depression on woman. Trying to do man vs woman is way to complex for this beginner writer! However I have found that having bipolar depression helps me to start my paper and I will also learn from the research ways to improve my depression issues.

Anyway on a personal note my kids have left for their dad's for 2 weeks. Very sad about that but I am working at my parents firework stand and at the golf course so should stay pretty busy. And of course doing my homework for class.

Have a great 4th of July everyone!!

My final topic

Okay so I think I am going to do my final paper on the affects of bipolar depression on women versus men. I am not sure yet if this is a good idea but I will do more research and see if it would be better to do just women or just men or to not just lump it into one category.

The reason I chose this topic is that I have recently been diagnosed with a mild case of bipolar depression and have learned alot about myself and how it has affected me. There is still a lot of information that I want to learn and thought this would be a good chance to do it.

Let me know what you all think.

Mornings!

I have never been a morning person, NEVER. I have despised them with every fiber of my being. However this morning for reasons I will never understand, I woke up at 5:00 A.M!!!!! After doing the usual morning thing........I went back to bed but all I could think about was going for a walk/run. So what do I do at 5:15 A.M.......go for a walk/run and it actually felt great. I took a shower and dressed by 6:15, made coffee and now here I am. Who knew!!!!

What is ironic (I guess you could say that) is that I have never been much of a "runner/jogger". But I decided last night instead of complaining about things all the time I need to change my life. I am not getting any younger and really need to fix what I don't like and since plastic surgery is out of the question, especially with 4 kids and being single and not independently wealthy, I would have to change things on my own with the help of higher powers (God). This will be a slow process as I did not jog very far this morning but I DID IT!!!!!!! And I am very proud of myself.

Okay on a school note.. this gives me some free time before the kids wake up to work on my paper and do the research that I need to do. I have narrowed down that I am going to do the paper on bipolar depression. What I haven't decided is to focus on children or adults. I recently found out that I have bipolar depression which was devistating news to me and yet explained so much, the panic attacks, severe ups and downs. Knowing what is wrong with me has been such a relief. Its like finding out that you have diabetes after years of not feeling right and wondering what is wrong with you.
People look at bipolar depression with such a negative tone that I would really like to educate groups that people with bipolar depression are not "crazy" but simply have a medical condition. Sometimes we may act a little "crazy" but who doesn't at one time or another.

Anyway that is all I have this morning. Need more coffee and to do some research. Have a great day!

crazy day!!!!

Wow I don't know how in the world I got everything done in a day when I worked three jobs. I have been on the run all day with the kids. Two of them had swimming lessons this morning. One had a school summer program that got over at noon so had to pick him up. The oldest girl had a summer basketball game in Winnett, MT which is about 100 miles away from where I live. Somewhere in between all this I managed to do the dishes, sweep the floors, vacuum. Do some laundry and make sure that I had all my assignments and posts done for the week. Ugh!!!!!

Yesterday was not so productive. I had a major panic attack which I have had for about 3 years now. They are completely debilitating to me and make my life hell for at least 3 hours. I have medication that I take but am not really able to pin point what brings them on. Yesterday was the first full day that all 4 kids have been back for a week and the noise was so loud. I tried to get them to go out and play or go do something but of course they missed me and wanted to be with me. Which of course makes things horrible for me. Well I got through it and managed to work on some research for my final project last night. Thank God for modern medicine!!!!

I think I have narrowed down my final project topic to Identifying and treating biplar depression in adolescents. It is a challenging topic but there is alot of good information out there and alot of studies that have been done on this. Hopefully this will prove to be a good topic and my paper will be a success.

Finding a good topic???

So I have been working on finding a good topic for my final project. I have a few in mind but it is a lot more difficult then I thought it would be to find good research on a topic. I have to admit that I haven't spent as much time as I wanted this weekend on this class but plan on working the next couple days very hard on this.

My 3 children have been at their dad's this week so my oldest and I have spent alot of time together. She is 13 and very active in basketball and volleyball and just hanging out with her friends. Heading out to get them in just a few. He lives in Manhattan, MT and I live about 90 miles away. We meet in Livington which is about 1 hour away. They have been gone for a week so very excited to see them.