Walking in the rain!

I am finding my writing is like walking in the rain. Doesn't bother me at first but as I walk longer and get wetter I really start to get irritated and want to go home. My writing is like this. I find myself sitting down and reading but the longer I read the less interested I am and find myself moving on to another task.

I have begun to enjoy this blogging. I find myself wanting to write in here more and more. I kind of gets things off my chest even if they are really small things.

I am doing my paper on bipolar depression and as I suffer from this illness and watch myself go through the manic and depressed states I wonder what other people do to control these episodes. This really has helped me to start my freewriting and just writing as I think of these issues.

Need to focus!

I am having a very hard time focusing on this paper. I know what I want to write about which by the way has changed a bit. I am going to do my paper on the affects of bipolar depression on woman. Trying to do man vs woman is way to complex for this beginner writer! However I have found that having bipolar depression helps me to start my paper and I will also learn from the research ways to improve my depression issues.

Anyway on a personal note my kids have left for their dad's for 2 weeks. Very sad about that but I am working at my parents firework stand and at the golf course so should stay pretty busy. And of course doing my homework for class.

Have a great 4th of July everyone!!

My final topic

Okay so I think I am going to do my final paper on the affects of bipolar depression on women versus men. I am not sure yet if this is a good idea but I will do more research and see if it would be better to do just women or just men or to not just lump it into one category.

The reason I chose this topic is that I have recently been diagnosed with a mild case of bipolar depression and have learned alot about myself and how it has affected me. There is still a lot of information that I want to learn and thought this would be a good chance to do it.

Let me know what you all think.

Mornings!

I have never been a morning person, NEVER. I have despised them with every fiber of my being. However this morning for reasons I will never understand, I woke up at 5:00 A.M!!!!! After doing the usual morning thing........I went back to bed but all I could think about was going for a walk/run. So what do I do at 5:15 A.M.......go for a walk/run and it actually felt great. I took a shower and dressed by 6:15, made coffee and now here I am. Who knew!!!!

What is ironic (I guess you could say that) is that I have never been much of a "runner/jogger". But I decided last night instead of complaining about things all the time I need to change my life. I am not getting any younger and really need to fix what I don't like and since plastic surgery is out of the question, especially with 4 kids and being single and not independently wealthy, I would have to change things on my own with the help of higher powers (God). This will be a slow process as I did not jog very far this morning but I DID IT!!!!!!! And I am very proud of myself.

Okay on a school note.. this gives me some free time before the kids wake up to work on my paper and do the research that I need to do. I have narrowed down that I am going to do the paper on bipolar depression. What I haven't decided is to focus on children or adults. I recently found out that I have bipolar depression which was devistating news to me and yet explained so much, the panic attacks, severe ups and downs. Knowing what is wrong with me has been such a relief. Its like finding out that you have diabetes after years of not feeling right and wondering what is wrong with you.
People look at bipolar depression with such a negative tone that I would really like to educate groups that people with bipolar depression are not "crazy" but simply have a medical condition. Sometimes we may act a little "crazy" but who doesn't at one time or another.

Anyway that is all I have this morning. Need more coffee and to do some research. Have a great day!

crazy day!!!!

Wow I don't know how in the world I got everything done in a day when I worked three jobs. I have been on the run all day with the kids. Two of them had swimming lessons this morning. One had a school summer program that got over at noon so had to pick him up. The oldest girl had a summer basketball game in Winnett, MT which is about 100 miles away from where I live. Somewhere in between all this I managed to do the dishes, sweep the floors, vacuum. Do some laundry and make sure that I had all my assignments and posts done for the week. Ugh!!!!!

Yesterday was not so productive. I had a major panic attack which I have had for about 3 years now. They are completely debilitating to me and make my life hell for at least 3 hours. I have medication that I take but am not really able to pin point what brings them on. Yesterday was the first full day that all 4 kids have been back for a week and the noise was so loud. I tried to get them to go out and play or go do something but of course they missed me and wanted to be with me. Which of course makes things horrible for me. Well I got through it and managed to work on some research for my final project last night. Thank God for modern medicine!!!!

I think I have narrowed down my final project topic to Identifying and treating biplar depression in adolescents. It is a challenging topic but there is alot of good information out there and alot of studies that have been done on this. Hopefully this will prove to be a good topic and my paper will be a success.

Finding a good topic???

So I have been working on finding a good topic for my final project. I have a few in mind but it is a lot more difficult then I thought it would be to find good research on a topic. I have to admit that I haven't spent as much time as I wanted this weekend on this class but plan on working the next couple days very hard on this.

My 3 children have been at their dad's this week so my oldest and I have spent alot of time together. She is 13 and very active in basketball and volleyball and just hanging out with her friends. Heading out to get them in just a few. He lives in Manhattan, MT and I live about 90 miles away. We meet in Livington which is about 1 hour away. They have been gone for a week so very excited to see them.